Sabtu, 20 Ogos 2011

From Zero to Zippo

It's been a long time since I posted something funny in KENCINGKUCING, as I tend to write in English nowadays. Not that I'm going to apologize for that, it's my page anyway. But I do feel it's my obligatory to make my readers giggling when reading KENCINGKUCING. So, sorry.

I received, what I can say here, as one of the most practical present I ever received for years. My good friend just came back from UK completing\ his degree there, and he bought me this tiny little thing that completely change my life.


"Weh bak mai lighter tu jap".

Kcak! Kcak! Kcak!

"Ape jadah api besar sangat ni terbakar bulu hidung aku!!"


"Lighter ko mane mok?"


"Apasal aa nyalekan rokok pakai zippo rase cam hisap curut sebatang 60 ringgit? Padahal hisap surya je?"


Yup. I am now a zippo user, fellas! A proud zippo user, to be exact. On top of that, a proud free-zippo user. Adding to that, a proud free-zippo user which the zippo was bought from UK! The best part is, I am a proud free-zippo user, which is the zippo was bought from UK and was made in U.S.A. LOL!

OK enough of that.

Being a zippo user, inevitably raised your level of smoking experience to as nearly as Karma. Each and every time you light the not-so-healthy stick of tobacco on your mouth, the sensational feeling it brings is just out of this world. The mix of zippo fluid (which is minyak tanah, I guess?) burning the tip of the cigarette, the first huff and puff that enters trough your lungs, all the way back to your mouth is just awesome.

No more boring, dull, tiny little fire for your smoking session with your friends. With zippo lighter, it brings out the wonderful side of smoking to the people around you.


*stranger chick* Abang. Sorry eh kitorang tak boleh makan ade asap rokok.

*abang* Oh OK OK sorriiieeeyyy..


*zippo* Keleting!

*the same stranger* Abang. sebelah orang ni ade orang tak? nak duduk boleh?

*abang* heh heh heh!


I, being a proud free zippo user, which the zippo was bought from UK and was made in U.S.A now, need to be extra careful. This is the downside of it. I can no longer stay calm when somebody borrow my lighter, be it to light his Surya, Dunhill or anything, or just to light a birthday cake. No more Mr nice guy here, sorry no more.

I need to be more vigilant, always keeping my sight through out the table. Need to locate each and every single moment, the exact location of my precious zippo. Every hand, every keleting!, any slightest movement of this metal thing needs to be recorded with extra precautions. Any notorious moves detected, sorry no zippo for you brah! Go light your rokok with mancis cap lada please!

Sorry for being an asshole over my zippo, but you all know how much important the existence of lighter to me. I can't imagine, whipping my sorry ass later when I found out that I have to ignite my rokok with an Alladin lighter. Ya Allah! Alladin? What is that? Stupid piece of plastic with the dimmest spark on earth. Errgghhh!! No that's not a lighter. I'm not going to light my rokok with that, not in the million years! (joking LOL)

And that's it. This is some sort of a pre-reminder to all of you my readers out there. I can be the best guy to hang out with at Sayed, or the beast, if that's the correct word, when it comes to my zippo. Better buy yourselves a Cricket, or you might spending the whole night without rokok. That is, if my lighter is run out of fuel lah.

-Nak hisap rokok tak boleh pulak puase zzz-

Khamis, 7 Julai 2011

BERSIH bakal rapatkan jurang antara pembangkang dan kerajaan

Our life is governed by constants, agree?

There are times when we aim for something, and try all our guts out to achieve that aim, but it ended far from what we foresee, or predict. We have consider all the variables and parameters that are within our control, and took out all the manipulative variables, but still the results turned us down.

I was in the meeting this morning, discussing about this one hell of a spreadsheet, to calculate the amount of material and time needed to produce certain length of a pipe. It is generated so that it can calculate to the most accurate value, the cost of any particular pipes with just minimal input. We went through the spreadsheet, checking each and every formula incorporated inside that damn file. Which cell linked to which, where this value come from, which table uses the VLOOKUP function, and any other function that you can imagine inside a spreadsheet file.

Until we go through one cell, green highlighted, with one number, 1.2.

"This number for what aa??"

"Oh this is a factor, the last thing we should consider before finalizing this spreadsheet"

"Then why 1.2?"

"It's the number to make the calculated end values to be as close as possible to the production's data. Ideally it should be 1 la, right? We should revisit this cell after all the formula and tables are corrected, and compare with production's data to find the exact number to be put in the cell."

And this made me thinking, even after we spent months to get all the calculation correct, there are things that beyond our control, beyond any thinkable formula or equation we ever known, to calculate the end values. We are depending on that 1.2 value, which we cannot derive from any source . This 1.2 value will only be known correct or not after the actual outcome.

Can I call this 1.2 is a constant? Can laa, eh?

The most known constant, I believe is Pi, π. The value, 3.14159 to 5 decimal places, is a number that far beyond our control. If we manage to gather all the greatest physician of all times, and willing to pay them all the fortune in the world, for them to change even the a single number in Pi, nothing is more impossible than that. Pi is created to be that way, and it will stay forever that way.

Moving further, let's imagine we have a set of equations that should lead us to one define value. For instance, taking back the Pi value above to calculate the volume of one normal cylinder. Mathematically, we will not be able to get the correct value if we do not include Pi in our calculation. We can use all the know equation in the world, but none of them will give us the right answer without the Pi.

So, we are very much dependent on Pi, in this case, right?

We run our life, with many plans ahead of us. We want to achieve this and that in certain period of time. But as we know, life is full of surprises. These surprises are something we cannot predict and uncontrollable. Well, this is what I can relate with the constant thingy.

It is something like we receive our salary at the end of each month. Pretty much calculation is done after we received the money. This and that to be bought. Pay the credit cards, bill, car loans and everything. From our thorough calculation, referring to past experience, after sum out all the manipulative variables, the salary should be enough until the next salary comes in. Let me ease the pain in your head by below (examples for us to get the better picture):

Manipulated variables (pembolehubah dimanipulasikan):
1. Total ringgit we eat each day.(depends on the lauk and drinks)
2. Brand of cigarette.
3. Night activity (lepak at mamak, snooker, futsal)
4. any other miscellaneous which we still can live our life without them.

Controlled Variables (pembolehubah dimalarkan):
1. Loans payments.
2. bills
3. tolls
4. Everything else that are essential for us to run our life as normal as it is.

Responding Variable (pembolehubah bergerak balas)
1. Balance of our salary at the end of the month. Say, 100 ringgit in Maybank account.

*Just for example. I know most of us have more to pay than the list above.

So after all the payments, we are happy that for that particular month, our pocket should not be burden with extra things to pay. We just follow based on our calculation and strictly discipline ourselves (what lauk to take during lunch/brand of cigarette, limit our night activity based on the early calculations and everything).

But, are we very sure that at the end of the month, the amount of money in the Maybank account is 100 ringgit? Can we confirm our calculation is 100% correct? What if somewhere in the middle of the month something happened, sucking every single penny out of our pocket. Can we predict that? Did we incorporate that into our calculation? How should we account for surprises?

OK maybe you can say that all those things can be counted as probability. Yup agreed to that. That is why we save some of our money to face those probabilities. Preparing if that probability happens. I believe we prioritize our savings based on the probability, as well. We will save more money for high probability occurrences (i.e to buy something we like). And for things with the least probability, like 1/100000000000000000000000000, no one will ever think to save even one ringgit, for that thing, right?

But still, can we confirm that 1/100000000000000000000000000 will not happen to us? How can we calculate that 1/100000000000000000000000000 probability will happen once, or twice, in our lifetime? What is the constant to use to calculate that? Anyone can answer?

Yes. There is no answer to that. There are things in life that beyond our control. Many of them. Even we calculated meticulously, with every variables, probability, statistics, constants, and every known formula, we still cannot predict what exactly will happen to us in the future. There are so much unknown constants and variables in this world. Like, we already tried the best we can, but still we cannot achieve that something we want.

So friends, redha with what Allah gives us. He is far more superior that all those formula, equation, probability, statistics, constants, algebra, derivations, and everything. Those are all His creations. He knows beyond any calculations in this world. He just knows. Our knowledge is so limited, no one can calculate what will happen even in one second ahead of us. Allah knows everything, the past, the present and the future. We as makhluk, just live our lives accordingly, follow what Allah instructed us to do and leave all the things He prevented. If something happen out of our way, believe that Allah knows what is best for us.

Dah jom solat.

Selasa, 28 Jun 2011

Kindly please expedite this issue

OK KencingKucing dah bersawang.

Aku tak tau bagaimana nature of work korang, tapi aku yakin ramai di kalangan kita yang bekerja dengan sentiasa berdampingan dengan e-mel. Kalau dulu isi form pertandingan panjat pokok ke, bayar bil celcom ke, tiket parking ke, biase emel kite macam di bawah ni:

________________*@gmail/yahoo/or ape ape lah

* nama konon konon rare, solehah, comel atau ape ape saje asal bukan name sendiri. Lepas tu mesti ade tahun lahir atau lucky number kat belakang.

  • lovemaria87
  • kontolagenda88
  • sweetzzz_lah_sangat_2005

Dah up up siket, konon konon nak terjun lebih dalam ke bidang profesionalisma, nak cari kerja tak kan nak pakai alamat e-mail So mula la masing masing buat akaun baru pakai nama betul. Masalahnya kat dunia ni berapa ramai orang yang nama sama, siap dengan nama bapak sekali sama. So akan timbul juga nombor pelik pelik kat pangkal alamat e-mail masing masing.

  • ismail_bin_lambung1234
  • mohd_sukiman_tarjuki0004
  • kanang_anak_langkau2005

Dah dapat kerja, kerja opis terutamanya, kamu akan be assigned with an e-mail address, yang sepatutnya menggunakan nama betul untuk memudahkan urusan urusan kerja. Bila dah dapat e-mel, mesti rase excited. Tak sabar nak dapat e-mail tugasan pertama. Flow die macam ni lebih kurang:

  • IT department datang set-up komputer, network, alamat e-mail, username password semua lah.
  • Dah dapat e-mail. Tak sabar nak buat kerja. Semangat meruap ruap nak menaip dengan diakhiri perkataan "Thanks and Regards,"
  • Bos atau rakan sekerja reply emel emel orang lain dengan ayat "Please include _____ in the loop. He is our new _____ engineer." dan diCC kan ke emel kita. Setiap emel dibaca dengan berhati hati dan penuh rasa ingin tahu. Scroll ke bawah pun perlahan lahan saja.
  • Emel masuk sejam sekali. Kerja datang secara perlahan lahan. Mula rasa sibuk dan berguna kepada syarikat.
  • Emel masuk sekali setiap setengah jam. Terkulat kulat cari e-mel bile bos tanye something. Kerja belom siap dah datang kerja baru. Mule gune function search kat Microsoft Outlook/Lotus E-mail/ape ape je lah yang kompeni korang gune.
  • Dah pandai sort out e-mail. Sort out ikut subject/sender. Sender yang pangkat gagah gagah letak warne terang. E-mail penting letak flag.
  • Makin lame makin sebok. Emel masuk setiap 5 saat. Bace lebih kurang, delete. Kadang kadang tak bace terus delete. Mule rase kompeni yang tak gune. Gaji dah lah kecik e-mel nak melambak lambak.
  • Kerje hari hari bace e-mel reply e-mel sampai mati.

Banyak kelebihan sebenarnye kerja dengan e-mail ni. Dia macam personal organizer jugak lah. Kalau ade meeting, kite boleh set dekat calender. Tugasan penting kita boleh letak flag atau reminder. Info info penting dari deparment lain kite boleh archive di folder, senang untuk kita search kalo bos tanye. Ape ape info penting kita just boleh karang 1 emel dan CC kepada semua yang berkenaan, tak perlu susah susah call, buat meeting, lari ke opis sane opis sini. If ade pertelingkahan, atau confusion, e-mel dari top management boleh diprint sebagai hitam putih.

Walaupun sehari mungkin berpuluh puluh e-mel kita terima, sebenarnya tanpa kita sedari, kebanyakan e-mel e-mel tersebut mempunyai pattern yang lebih kurang. Kindly see below examples for self explanatory.

1. Email kerja.

Ini email biasa. Email yang kamu tahu setiap hari pasti akan masuk at least sekali. So dah tak heran sangat. Baca sekali lalu, boleh abaikan dulu untuk buat kerja yang higher urgency, atau dah dekat due date. Biase email macam ni jenis yang due date tak lame. Paling lame pon 2 hari kot sebab tak complicated dan tak perlukan respon mendadak. Tenang tenang saja.

2. Please expedite this request.

Bila datang email macam ni, jangan gelabah. Scroll dulu slow slow sampai bawah. Mungkin kita ada termiss email kerja yang kita terima kat atas tadi. Absorb dulu info/request dalam email tersebut. Sukat kadar kesusahan kerja tersebut. Agak agak susah, boleh la start rangka rangka dalam kepale otak nak respond macam mane. Nak cilok gambar yang mane, file ape nak attach, software ape yang nak dibukak siap siap. Kang bile requester call follow up tanye status or update, takde lah kite menggelabah beruk baru nak cari drawing, baru nak bukak spreadsheet, terkial kial bukak laci cari ape pon tak tau. Perlu sentiasa bersedia untuk menjaga kesejahteraan bontot sendiri dalam dunia indurstri yang penuh politik.

3. Reminder 1, 2, 3.....

OK kalau email macam ni, maknenye kite dah boleh start menggelabah. Mungkin kerja tersebut agak sukar sehingga memerlukan beberapa hari untuk diselesaikan. Biasanya di kala momentum untuk buat kerja tersebut tengah optimum, ada pulak gangguan lain seperti bos nak update status projek or study, department lain request verification, meeting dan macam macam lagi hal duniawi. Bila nak start buat balik tugasan tadi, momentum dah hilang, idea entah hilang mane entah. Padahal tadi macam macam equation/graph dah berlegar legar dalam kepale otak, tinggal nak apply je. Di sinilah kepentingan A4 paper tampak jitu dan padu. Apa apa saja idea/solution yang terbit, catatlah secepat mungkin. Company memang beli A4 banyak banyak untuk kita conteng conteng sampai penuh pastu pegi mesin shredder kasi hancur. Seronok kan main mesin shredder?

4. Approved.

Memandangkan kita masih mentah dalam industri kejuruteraan ni, hasil kerja kita biasanya perlukan approval pihak atasan. Jadi setiap hasil kerja yang di emel kene lah CC bos sekali untuk approval. Bos pon biasenye laju laju je approve, tak view pon attachment tu. Banyak lagi emel die nak kene bace. Emel kene tiau dengan manager lah, komplen department laen, issue issue yang pending berbulan bulan. Dah kene komplen baru nak tanye ape yang kite buat. Haa time tu kite pulak terkial kial nak betul kan, buat revision 1, revision 2.

5. _______* engineering to further confirm/clarify. *department anda*

Emel yang dimulakan dengan ayat seperti atau seumpama di atas memerlukan respon yang teknikal dan bukti yang kukuh. Jangan reply tanpa pendirian yang tetap atau bukti yang goyah. Kelak dipersoalkan, nampak jelas kedunguan kita nanti. Ambil masa untuk collect data, godeh godeh sikit share drive, cari emel emel lame, SOP, Process Description, atau apa apa file rasmi untuk disertakan semasa reply emel macam ni. Huraikan hujah dengan bernas dan tanpa bias berdasarkan fact. Baru betul betul engineering. Setakat taip panjang panjang tanpa action and solution baek tak payah.

6. FYI/A,

Nampak saja pendek 3, 4 huruf. Tetapi bila scroll scroll ke bawah macam tak jumpe hujungnye. Biasanya emel seperti ini bermula daripada end user (client/customer/site) seperti complaint atau findings tentang product kite, dan berjela jela sampai manager, assistant manager, senior engineer, supervisor, operator, pak guard, makcik cleaner, makcik kantin, operator kilang sebelah, tokey mamak depan kilang dan hujung sekali barulah sampai kat kita, yang tak tahu hujung pangkal, tak pasal pasal kene amik action. Nak gather semua info daripada forwarded email tersebut pulak susah sebab attachement sume dah di delete. Kalau delay delay sikit kang nanti dapat pulak macam email nombor 2. Time tu pulak kerje tengah melambak, memang bace pon laju laju lah jawabnye.


Walau apa pun jenis atau content emel yang kamu terima, respond to them accordingly. Janganlah pula dibiarkan emel itu tergantung tanpa sebarang action. Kelak nanti issue tersebut pending, kamu juga yang panas bontot. Bos pandang slek nanti sape yang susah? Nak mengular pun tak senang nanti ade saje yang call suruh buat itu buat ini. At least reply some progress to show that we already took appropiate action, atau senang cakap untuk tunjuk yang kita ni buat kerja padahal secara hakikatnya apa pon tak buat lagi. Biasalah politik kene cantek kalau nak kerja lama.

Thanks and Regards,

Isnin, 7 Februari 2011

How to Lose Weight in 48 seconds

Most of my friends know that I used to be fatter or gemok or any sort of word that you can associate with the word fat. Even my blogger profile named MOK as I am generally known for that name. As far that I can recall, people around me started to call me MOK since form 1, when I entered a boarding school. You all know that boarding schools are good for giving out outrageous nicknames and unfortunately I'm the part of it.

Thus the name MOK stays until today. Along the line, I tend to change the spelling to make it look cooler or just simply to hide the fact that the name is corresponding to my actual weight. The most popular one is MOCK. The not-so-popular ones, maybe if I can list them up here are; Moque, Mockey mockey cutie cutie (??), mockingbird, mokacak dan sebagainya. And I just found out one new spelling, MOKURUS. Cool kan? Macam Setan.

So what's with the above story?

During my convocation ceremony which happened several months back, I managed to make my uni friends astonished, (so much with the bombastic word la kan?) with my new look. Almost all of them said like the below phrases to me, and my ears seems to be very pleased to hear them.

"Perghh MOK kurus sial ko!"
"Weh babi MOK aku tak boleh terime sial kekurusan ko camni. Babi aa ko!"
"Ko makan ape MOK? Dedak ayam ke? Ape rahsie ko nih?"
"Jusmate5 ke MOK?"

and many other praises and curses that I cannot remember.

But the most ultimate of all those praises was;

"MOK ko semakin kacak bergaye disukai ramai doh!! Awwww!!"


Hey why don't you try this out, go to Google and type:

how to

I bet that "how to lose weight" will show itself among the suggestions that follow the "how to" you typed earlier. Pity me since I have no connection to internet in my office. I cannot show you the proof to my statement above. Just try it lah weh don't waste my time. No need for me to do it for you and print screen and then open Paint and then paste and then cut and then paste it again in blogger wadefak zzz. Well it shows just how much fat people around the world are concern with the weight, and it happened to me as well.

I manage to lose around 13kg of my body weight during my intensive diet regime (intensive lah sangat). The number on the scale turned out from 96kg to 83kg and please, I don't want to talk about the time taken to achieve that number. I personally believe that, the amount of fat you manage to lose is far more important rather than you mumble and whine about how long to do this and that to look slimmer. To lose weight healthy is to lose them slowly, not by drastic measures like cutting away your belly fat using kitchen knife.

In order for you, my fat readers, not the slim ones, to lose weight healthy and effectively is first, you must have knowledge. Yes people. Knowledge. Knowledge is power. Power is Power Rangers yeay! How to acquire knowledge? GOOGLE PLEASE!!!! All those ads about slimming pills, slimming milk, losyen halia, Justmate 5, are just useless and not worth your money and time. All you need to have is a decent internet connection, PC and time for you to read thousands of slimming articles online. Losing weight means diet. Diet means eat less. Eat less means you save money. Then you spend your saved money to buy slimming junks. Isn't it just plain stupid?

I won't talk about the science of losing weight here. Google can help you with that. The thing that i want to share is that it is not hard for us to lose weight. Seriously dude, if you think that getting the ugly fat out of your body is harder then wake up in the morning, go hit yourself with a hammer please. Dieting is not about starving yourself to death, or running like crazy around the park, or just anything painful that you usually relate to dieting. It's just as easy as taking your lunch, with some proper consideration, of course.

In fact, the hardest part of losing your weight is to keep losing it. Yes, to start is easy. If you do it correctly, you'll feel the difference in just about two or three months. Your tummy won't bulge out as it used to be. The lipatan lemak that you used to play around when you're bored is not there anymore. Your jeans is loosening. The best part of it is people will greet you with "Weh MOK lame tak nampak eh apsal kurus ko ni sakit ke?". You start to feel happy about it and celebrate by eating like shit. At first you think like "ala sikit je ni esok makan sikit la cover balik kalori aku" or "Tak ape makan banyak malam ni nak main futsal ngap ngap ngap sedap sial pizza nih!". By the time you realize that, you just forget about all your diet regime and back to your old-self. This is happening to me right now. What to do weh lapar....

Basically the rules that you should obey to lose you weight are:

1. Set your target. Realistic target, please.
2. Know what you eat. Take time to read the nutritional table on the packaging.
3. Move Move Move. Increase your movement. Simple yet continuous is great enough.
4. Discipline yourself. Fix your daily eating schedule.
5. Be patient. Don't expect to lose 16kg just because you starve yourself for one whole week.

That's it, peeps. Believe me. Follow the above rules with solid knowledge from Mr. Google, you'll be Kacak Bergaya Disukai Ramai like me in no time.

Jogging jom?

Ahad, 30 Januari 2011

19 Hari yang Menakjubkan

Malam tadi adalah kali pertama aku direct contact dengan politik tanah air. Yes, aku selagi boleh elak berbual politik, aku malas ambil berat hal politik, aku tak ambil port dan ya aku belum mendaftar sebagai pengundi lagi. Malas.

Disebabkan hal malam tadi, mungkin aku akan masuk berita hari Isnin nanti. Mungkin.

Malam tadi juga selepas berpolitik, bermula jam 4.30 pagi aku bersama rakan rakan sepolitik bermain permainan yang kita namakan "rezeki anak anak". Setelah 'mandi' lebih kurang 8 ringgit, ternyata malang tidak mengenal erti kasih sayang. Balik rumah main Texas Hold 'em Up untuk balas dendam.

Jadi aku boleh simpulkan malam minggu semalam OK dan berjaya kerana penuh aktiviti sampai subuh. Sehat tak sehat belakang cerita.

Sejak bekerja ikut office hour ni, aku sangat sangat menghargai weekend. Malam weekend. Start 5.30pm hari jumaat, aku dah switch on weekend mode aku. Apa apa aktiviti yang aku kira tak memalukan jiwa raga, pasti akan ku sertai dengan tawadhuk dan berhemah tinggi. Sesungguhnya aku rase satu kecelakaan besar sekiranya pukul 1030pm jumaat malam sabtu aku masih tercongok di rumah. Rasa macam "Eh wadehel weh malam minggu kat umah wadehelll??"

Antara aktiviti yang mula menular di kalangan masyarakat untuk membuang waktu senggang di hari minggu adalah karaoke. Selain kos yang tidak terlalu tinggi macam clubbing, karaoke juga membolehkan kita melalak tak ingat dunia tanpa perlu menjaga hati audience yang terpaksa dengar suara sumbang kita. Kita yang bayar mampos la kan orang nak cakap suare sedap atau tidak, betul? Karaoke juga adalah aktiviti yang amat general, semua orang boleh join. Suara tak sedap? Persetankan. Tak pandai nyanyi? Tengok lirik. Malu nyanyi depan orang ramai? Boleh pakse. Takde duit? Member payung. Paling bangsat sekalipun kamu boleh ikut serta dan gelak ketawa ramai ramai ikut nyanyi, kalau takut pegang mic lah.

Aku mula bergiat cergas dalam aktiviti karaoke ni sejak beberapa tahun lepas. Macam macam pattern karaoke aku dah try. Karaoke jamban, Karaoke kandang, bilik VIP, bilik kecik, karaoke terbuka 1 lagu singgit di restoran, karaoke free kenduri kawin, nyanyi atas stage time dinner, semua setel. Yes memang aku suka nyanyi walaupun suara tak sedap eh biar lah kan?

Walaupun kamu pergi karaoke bersama rakan rakan untuk have fun, terdapat perkara perkara yang kamu perlu ambil berat untuk menjadikan sesi karaoke itu bermakna dan mampu melahirkan kenangan indah yang boleh diingat hingga ke akhir hayat. Pastikan point point di bawah kamu patuh dalam menjalani aktiviti karaoke yang sihat dan bebas dadah.

1. Pencetus aktiviti.

Biasanya karaoke ni adalah aktiviti yang tak dirancang. Tetibe rase bosan, terus roger rakan rakan cakap tekak gatal dan rindu bau microphone. Ajaka melalui facebook dengan dua patah perkataan, "DEROMI JOM?" pasti berjela komen komen kat bawah nak follow. Tapi biasalah bebual memang paling mantap karang yang jadinye seketul due ketul je. Camne nak perform nanti? Postpone saja ke tarikh lain.

Bagi sekumpulan yang bekerja, biasanya aktiviti karok dirancang sedikit awal, mungkin sehari dua untuk membolehkan jadual disusun cantik dan tiada orang yang kena tinggal sebab dah apply OT. Taip ayat ayat manis sikit kat emel, dan CC kan ke semua kaki kaki karok yang dikenali di tempat kerja. Emel macam ni memang aku suka betul. Buat kerja aku jadi tak tentu arah. Mane nak bace emel rakan rakan sekerja merepek entah hapa hapa, emel bos, emel engineer lain. Pening kepala. Tapi karaoke memang best.

2. Kondisi Badan dan Anak Tekak.

Setelah tarikh diset cun cun melecun cun cun, persediaan mental dan fizikal yang mantap haruslah dilakukan demi menjanjikan performance yang tip tip semasa sesi karaoke. Dah boleh stop order sebarang bentuk air sejuk dah. Time mengadap komputer siapkan report, bolehlah buat sedikit senaman bubbling brrrrrrr brrrrrrr degan mempelbagaikan variasi tone suara. Senaman perut jangan sesekali diambil mudah. Diafragma yang mantap penting untuk melontarkan tone yang padu daripada anak tekak. Stamina untuk berjoget ketika lagu dangdut dan lagu Justin Bieber - Baby boleh dipertingkatkan dengan berjogging petang petang sambil usyar gadis genit di taman. Setiap masa adalah amat penting. Daripada menghabiskan masa dengan mengorek hidung ketika driving ke tempat kerja, lebih elok sekiranya masa tersebut digunakan untuk melatih suara dengan mengalunkan lagu lagu rock kapak menggunakan CD Player dalam kereta.

Kesihatan diri juga amat penting supaya nanti kamu tak tercongok sorang sorang di sudut bilik karaoke ketika rakan rakan sedang berjoget ketika lagu Mas Idayu - Senggol Senggolan Cubit Cubitan dimainkan. Itulah gunanya aktiviti jogging di petang hari. Selain stamina yang mantap, kesihatan juga terjamin.

Selain dari itu, pakaian dan kekemasan diri juga memainkan peranan penting, tidak hanya dari segi keseronokan berkaraoke, tapi juga untuk mengelakkan kamu dicemuh dan kena nyanyi sorang sorang akibat rakan rakan tidak mahu mendekati kamu. Yelah takkan baru lepas futsal nak terus terjah karaoke kot. Balik lah mandi dulu. Nak perform pon selesa dan berkeyakinan tinggi.

3. Kedatangan

Apabila tiba waktu yang dijanjikan, maka berduyun duyunlah kita menuju ke pusat karaoke sambil dalam kepala otak terngiang ngiang lagu yang ingin dipersembah atau dipersampahkan kepada khalayak rakan rakan kita. Dalam kereta on the way karaoke terhidang lagu lagu rock paling kapak untuk mendatangkan mood. Lagi lama dan lagi rare lagu rock kapak, lagi pergi die punye semangat. Memang berkobar kobar betul ni. Kalau ade botol deodorant dalam kereta pasti dah digenggam kemas sambil menyanyikan lagu Karam - Zabarjad.

Untuk menjadikan kita seorang pengkaraoke yang disegani dan disayangi ramai, perkara pokok yang harus kita lakukan ialah jangan lewat. Janji 830pm maka 820pm lah kita sampai. Nak book bilik lagi, tunggu bilik kosong lagi, setting sound sistem lagi. Ngam ngam choi lah 830pm. Balik juga begitu. Kalau dah book sampai 4 jam, adalah sungguh elok kalau kita dapat balik bersama sama selepas 4 jam tersebut. Tapi 4 jam karaoke adalah agak gile dan menguji kesabaran anak tekak. Perkara ini haruslah dibincangkan demi menjanjikan kepuasan semua pihak. Pergi bersama, balik pon bersama. Kan cantik tu?

4. Jangan pergi karaoke sorang sorang.

Sepanjang pengamatan aku di pusat pusat karaoke yang aku kunjungi memang tak pernah aku lihat ade orang karaoke sorang sorang. Hatta penyanyi penyanyi terkenal seperti Datuk Siti Nurhaliza, Noh Hujan, atau Heliza Misbun pun aku percaya tak pernah buat kerja gila pegi karaoke sorang sorang. Perdana Menteri Jepun pun aku ingat tak akan pergi karaoke sorang sorang. Kalau karaoke kat rumah possible kot.

Kalau kamu rasa suara kamu tak sedap nak mampus sampai kena pergi karaoke sorang sorang dengan niat nak prektis, tolonglah jangan jadi gile. Tak pernah pula ade orang putus kawan sebab time karaoke nyanyi tak sedap. At least mesti berdua baru seronok dan muhibbah. Lagi ramai lagi bagus. The more the merrier, kan?

Tapi kalau difikirkan dengan lebih mendalam, ada beberapa perkara yang membolehkan kita karaoke sorang sorang seperti; melalak di dalam kereta time pergi kerja, mandi, memasak di dapur, dalam bilik sorang sorang prektis gitar, dan last sekali yang paling cun, mengigau menyanyi time tidur.

5. Pilihan Lagu lagu.

Secara am nya pelbagai genre lagu boleh dinyanyikan semasa karaoke. Bergantung pada kawan kawan yang kamu bawa semasa sesi karaoke tersebut. Ada yang jenis tak kisah menyanyi ramai ramai walaupun lagu tersebut dipilih untuk test power anak tekak. Jenis macam ni yang seronok dibawa karaoke. Lagu artis solo tak pasal pasal boleh jadi lagu boyband. Lagu Justin Bieber boleh jadi macam lagu Backstreet Boys. Lagu Haida – Hajat boleh dinyanyikan beramai ramai seperti Feminin. Cantik bukan? Macam setan.

Ada juga certain orang yang agak keberatan untuk berkongsi nyanyi apabila lagu tersebut dipilih secara eksklusif untuk dirinya saja. Ini pendirian orang tersebut dan kita perlu hormati. Sekiranya gatal juga tekak nak ikut dia menyanyi, tak payah pegang mic dan nyanyilah perlahan buat telinga sendiri saja. Lebih lebih lagi lagu yang memerlukan kekuatan vokal yang tinggi, yang pastinya memerlukan kosentrasi yang padu daripada penyanyi tersebut. Lagu lagu seperti Wings – Misteri Mimpi Syakila dan Awie – Penjara Janji tidak boleh dipandang enteng dan hanya beberapa orang terpilih saja patut memicit lagu ini.

Jarang sekali lagu nasyid dipicit ketika sesi karaoke. Aku rasa ia akan mendatangkan perasaan awkward kerana semua orang tahu karaoke adalah perbuatan yang amat lagho dan hedonisme yang sesungguhnya sangat ironi dengan lagu nasyid yang mendekatkan kita kepada tuhan, sepatutnya. Tapi kita kena consider group nasyid wakil sekolah yang praktis karaoke. Jadi tepuk mic tanya anak tekak lagu apa yang patut dipilih.

Kalau rasa nak berjoget sambil exercise, lagu lagu dangdut adalah pilihan yang sangat wajar. Mas Idayu - Senggol Senggolan Cubit Cubitan, Amalina - Asyik, atau Kocok Kocok - Inul Daratista, atau lain lain lagu dangdut seronok dinyanyikan beramai ramai diikuti tarian tarian ringan penaik semangat. Kalau aku, Justin Bieber – Baby adalah lagu wajib joget aku. Style kan lagu tu kan? Die punye shuffle tu yang buat layan tu.

6. Adab Bersama Kaum Hawa

Kadang kadang aku menjalankan aktiviti karaoke bersama gadis gadis dari tempat kerja atau rakan rakan sekelas sewaktu belajar dulu. Sememangnya lagi seronok karaoke bersama gadis gadis ni. Tak la lagu yang dipilih terhad kepada lagu lagu rock kapak lelaki saja. Karaoke bersama gadis juga membolehkan kita memicit lagu duet laki pompuan. Kita sebagai lelaki paling tidak mesti sedikit meningkat semangat kita untuk menyanyi bila karaoke dengan gadis gadis ni.

Namun janganlah keseronokan berkaraoke bersama gadis gadis ini dicemarkan dengan aktiviti tidak bermoral. Ingatlah mereka sudi meluangkan masa melalak dengan kamu, tapi kamu tak hormat mereka pula. Tak cantiklah macam tu. Perlu diletakkan batas batas yang jelas, walaupun untuk berhibur. Perkara ini aku kira semua orang patut faham dan sendiri mahu ingat. Jangan sebab tindakan kamu, lepas ini kamu disisihkan daripada sebarang aktiviti karaoke dan juga aktiviti aktiviti lain. Kan tak best tu, dah hilang kawan.

Ketika berjoget semasa karaoke, cukuplah berjoget tanpa sebarang pergerakan yang mengundang syak wasangka kaum hawa kepada kita. Mereka joget gaya inul daratista sekalipun, layankan je. Kalau kita mahu berjoget sekali, jangan sampai diterjah kaum hawa ini sesuka hati. Pastikan jarak yang selamat untuk berjoget bagi mengelakkan salah faham masyarakat umum.

Rokok. Ini satu perkara juga ni. Kalau karaoke ramai ramai semua lelaki memang biasalah ada rokok yang melekat di mulut sementara menunggu giliran lagu yang dipicit dimainkan. Tapi bila bersama kaum hawa, lubang hidung mereka haruslah dihormati. Kalau kamu nak hisap rokok, keluar dan hisaplah pung pung pang sampai asap tembus ikut dada pun tak apa. Tapi kalau pegi karaoke dengan gadis yang huha huha jenis takde hal aku hembos saja. Dah pakwe die pon hisap rokok selamba memang tak perlulah aku nak huru hara hisap rokok di luar.

7. Aktiviti Susulan

Selepas berpenat lelah berhempas pula membuat persembahan, terpulang pada masing masing untuk menamatkan sesi karaoke tersebut. Aku suka melanjutkan aktiviti bersama rakan rakan dengan melepak minum di mamak sebelum pulang. Boleh post mortem tentang prestasi masing masing dan dapatkan pandangan rakan rakan tentang kemantapan vokal kita, walaupun rakan rakan kita pun haram jadah vokalnya. Lagipun kan kering tekak dah nyanyi terus 2,3 jam. Tak kan lah tak haus? Kalau terus balik rumah minum air masak saja tak datang lah kepuasan maksima. Paling koman kena nescafe ais, balas dendam sebab dah berhari hari tak minum ais nak jaga suara punya pasal. Lepas minum minum dan mengumpat kutuk suara sesama kita, bolehlah pulang ke rumah menuju ke katil tercinta untuk tidur. Sebelum tidur basuhlah kaki. Karang nanti mengigau melalak time tidur, mahu lari ahli ahli rumah yang lain takut kalau kalau kamu kena sawan babi.


Minggu lepas saja 3 kali aku karaoke. 2 kali dengan rakan rakan setaman, sekali dengan rakan rakan sekerja. Memang aku ade sikit susah nak mengelak ajakan karaoke nih. Tapi aku pelik kenapa suara aku tak sedap sedap ni. Nyanyian aku salah dari segi teknikal ke? Perlukah aku ambil kelas vokal? Perlukah aku terus mengharapkan? Camar yang hilang kembali ke sarang. Apakah masih ada kerinduan? Yang tersimpan di hatimu sayang.

Sabtu, 8 Januari 2011

Jawatan Kosong Kerajaan 2011

Cukup cukup la tu cari kerja kerajaan kat internet. Banyak lagi kerja boleh dapat kat luar tu. Sibuk dikejarkan kerja kerajaan yang sarapan sampai 2 kali tu, padahal banyak lagi peluang yang terhidang depan mata. Nak tak nak saja.

Dah lama rasanya tak menaip dalam english. Tapi nak menaip malas pula. Aku kopipes sajalah dari catatan aku semasa friendstertengah kuat dulu, boleh? So here goes.

Is Title so Important?

So, this is my second time posting my humble thoughts in English. As I said earlier in a previous post, I will again type in English if and only if the thing that I want to share is relevant to be typed in English.

Being so skema, am I?

Mind you, this is the period of me trying to improve my English. One way to achieve that is by willingly, without any external force, loading myself with excessive amount of English articles from Wikipedia, blogs, papers and many other sources from the internet. All of them in just one click away. Convenient, is it?

This sudden English-mode that I am into, it is not because that I want to impress others with my ‘broken English’, but this act is a mustfor me, since I have a housemate from Thailand who cannot speak Bahasa Malaysia as fluently as everybody else inside the house. So it is like a chicken talking to a duck almost every time we converse in Bahasa.

Well, I lied.

Dude, he is from Thailand, a country very next to us. And after being here for about 4 years, obviously his Bahasa is acceptable for us. Plus, his father was from Kelantan, adding points for his not-so-fluent Bahasa.

But then, there are still some difficulties for me and my housemates. It is due to the fact that there are many market terms or Bahasa Pasar that he still does not understand. Terms like jimbit, kepala otak, mucuk??, and others that we all Malays should know, are very alien for him. He, knowing the importance of understanding all these terms, keeps asking us every time he heard us pronounce a new word.

“Mok, ape tu jimbit??”

Clueless as I also do not know the exact meaning.

In other story:

“aku nak pegi jusco ni, nak beli tiram

tiram? What the hell you want to buy tiram?? You want to cook or what?”

“It’s for me to sleep la dude! The tiram I have now is so fucked up !”

“lol.. It’s not tiram, it’s tilam dude!! Mattress kan?”


And we were laughing, rolling our asses on the floor.

Above is just one of many hilarious conversations we ever had since we started living under the same roof about 3 month back.

Although he is always being laughed by others, but his passion of learning our language is a thing I really admire. He never feels offended every single time we laugh at him about his words. Instead, he too, laughed. After we all stop laughing then will he ask for meaning of the words. Eventually, his knowledgeof Bahasa increase, but still can be very laughable at times. Hey, at least he does not pronounce mattress as tiram, anymore.

By time, I noticed that it is important for me to improve my English so that I can easily explain to him any Malay word which he does not understand. It is not a very good move to explain the words in Bahasa Malaysia as he would take more time to understand the meaning. And is is indeed a very bad move if I am trying to explain the meaning in Thai language, don’t you agree?

Thus, this is me, improving my English so that I can converse better with him. But this is not the time when there is a teacher that will tell me this and that, correct my grammar or anything. This is the time for me to learn English on my own. Is it too late for me to start practicing English in a serious way? You tell me.

*please correct me if you find any grammar mistake during reading this post.


The writings above were posted on my previous blog, which is hosted by friendster, during my internship in Kuala Lumpur. How I missed such days, living a carefree life, with not much responsibilities and all.

Can anyone teach me how to travel in time, please?